Children are expected to master so many skills, but emotional resilience may be one of the most important. Giving them a head start by cultivating this skill at home will help them navigate complicated emotions as they get older.

What Is Emotional Resilience?

Resilience is the ability to endure and overcome hardship, hopefully growing in the process. Emotional resilience refers to our ability to adapt to emotional struggles and navigate complicated feelings without losing sight of ourselves, our relationships, or our goals.

Key Areas for Emotional Development

Emotional resilience relies on several areas of emotional development and can take years to fully develop. Parental support can make a big difference in how easily children develop these skills.

Self-Confidence

Having a strong sense of self and a positive self-image are both key in developing emotional resilience. Help your children foster these qualities by treating them as the experts in their own lives. When they explain how they feel, believe them. If they’re confident about a choice — even if you know it will backfire — let them take the lead. Taking risks and coming out the other side is one of the best ways to develop strong self-confidence.

Coping Mechanisms

Emotional challenges are a part of life, so instead of working to avoid any discomfort, we need to help our kids learn to manage it wisely. Practice strategies for dealing with frustration, sadness, anger, jealousy, and fear. Talking about these tools before kids need them is a great way to build their confidence. Tools can include:

· physical actions like stomping, going for a walk, and using fidgets;

· centering techniques like mindful breathing, journaling, and listening to music; and

· communication scripts that help kids transition away from conflict and toward collaboration with others.

When emotional challenges pop up at home, give your kids space to try out these tools on their own before you step in with guidance.

Self-Awareness and Empathy

As kids get older, we expect them to have empathy for others. An understanding of someone else’s perspective is crucial for emotional well-being, but it needs to be balanced with our own self-awareness. Weighing your own needs with those of others is a tricky task, so practice is essential. Asking your kids to reflect on tough situations after they’ve been resolved is a great, low-stakes way to cultivate both self-awareness and empathy.

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A Parent’s Role in Emotional Support

Parental support in emotional development is an important part of the nurturing process, just the same as when parents help their kids learn to walk, talk, and explore their passions.

Creating Emotional Safety

As a parent, it is not your job to teach your children how to always be happy. Your job is to create a safe space for them to practice working through any emotion, including anger or sadness. The more open you are about accepting their emotional reality, the safer they’ll feel opening up. Don’t be fooled by the idea that creating emotional safety will leave your kids unprepared for the harsher outside world. On the contrary, providing an emotionally safe landing zone for your kids is the best way to help them practice the skills they’ll need to thrive as adults.

Connection, Not Correction

You want to guide your children as they learn to navigate complex emotions, but steer clear of constantly correcting their actions. If you notice an emotional response that you think deserves some adjustment, approach them with connection in mind. Ask them to explain how they feel and whether they liked how they handled the situation. “Tell me more about that” is a great way to open a dialogue that’s full of connection instead of correction.

Leading by Example

Children learn best by observation and trial and error, and emotional resilience is no different. Purposefully discuss and model your own emotional challenges so that your children can see how resilience works in the real world.

· Label your actions: “I’m feeling very frustrated right now, so I’m going to take a two-minute break and then I’ll feel calmer for a talk.”

· Reflect on past events: “I had a hard day at work because a friend didn’t like my suggestions. I remember how hurt I felt, but I know I made the right decision.”

· Demonstrate self-awareness: “I thought about what you said when I took away your iPad, and I agree that maybe I should have given a warning first.”

Staying Consistent

Following through on your emotional commitments is also important. Rather than dismissing a child’s anger because it’s time to brush their teeth, say instead, “I can see that you’re angry, and that’s valid. I won’t try to convince you to feel differently, but this is a requirement, so you’ll have to do it mad.” You’re holding a parental boundary around brushing teeth while also reaffirming your commitment to emotional safety.

Emotional navigation is a complicated life skill, but parental support can make it easier for kids to feel confident as they develop their capacity for emotional resilience.