Matthew Furtado

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Fat Christian Bale & the new American Hustle posters make my pants tight

It’s already well-established that the trailer for David O. Russel’s <i>American Hustle</i> melted my face off and kicked my balls in, but now we have five new <i>American Hustle</i> posters for each character, including one starring my new favorite actor, Fat Christian Bale, at which to aim our boners. He’s …

Punk band shoots porno on Westboro Baptist Church front lawn

Current law doesn’t allow families of dead soldiers to beat Westboro Baptist members to death with their own arms while they protest funerals, which is really a shame, but some enterprising members of society have found other avenues of reprisal. Following up on a group of satanists performing a …

REVIEW: 'Gravity' captures the pants-sh*tting vastness of space

Space is the main character in Alfonso Cuarón’s <i>Gravity</i>, a film that captures, better than any film has up to this point, the sheer, inhospitable, pants-shitting vastness of space. The opening title cards describe the regular, 200-degree temperature swings that characterize the area just outside the …

Marc Webb May Or May Not Have Intentionally Revealed Electro's Full Costume

Director Marc Webb has been pretty great about Tweeting pictures from the set of <i>The Amazing Spider-Man 2</i> that don’t actually reveal very much but also playfully tease the franchises fans with the ideas of Venom and the Sinister Six. It’s safe to say that the object of his Tweets are to provide us …

TRAILER: Paramount promotes Jack Ryan movie with Tom Clancy's warm corpse

When Paramount released their poster for <i>Jack Ryan: Shadow Recruit</i> on the same day that Tom Clancy, the author who created the Jack Ryan character died, I figured it was just a coincidence, or unfortunate timing. But they’ve had a few days to process it since then, and they went and released the …

‘Starring Aaron Eckhart as Frankenstein’s Monster’ AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

“Built from the discarded corpses of male models with perfect bone structure…”<p>We’ve already had umpteen million sexy vampires, and vaguely ethnic werewolves trying to tempt white chicks away from abstinence with their sexy abs, so why not a sexy Frankenstein? I mean, other than the fact that the …

How did they create those special effects in Gravity?

In this jaded media age, when we’ve already seen bullet time, 3D blue cat monkeys, apes made human by Andy Serkis, and Cleatus the robot football player, it’s rare to see anything on television or film that makes you say “how the hell did they do that?” The answer is so often “I dunno, computers?” …

Weekend Movie Guide: Thanks But No Thanks, 'Gravity'

<b>Opening Everywhere:</b> <i>Gravity, Runner Runner, Metallica Through the Never</i><p><b>Opening Somewhere:</b> <i>Parkland, A.C.O.D.</i><p><b>FilmDrunk Suggests:</b> You can’t pay my claustrophobic ass enough to go see <i>Gravity</i>. I’ll gather my bros instead and we’ll watch <i>Boiler Room</i> before we go see <i>Runner Runner</i> and then get hammered on …

Gravity Reviewed by An Actual Rocket Scientist

<i>I reviewed Gravity last week and loved it, but of course the only thing *I* know about rockets is the red one that comes out when I jerk off my dog. It seemed pretty realistic to me, but then what the hell do I know? So I went ahead and asked a real-life former NASA contractor to see it and provide</i> …

Jenna Dewan Once Made Channing Tatum Chase Down The Royal Couple

Jenna Dewan-Tatum, AKA Jenna D-1 C-Tates, was a guest on <i>Ellen</i> last week, and all that anyone would want to ever ask her is what our boy, the hardest twerkin’ playboy in show bizna$$$ty, Channing Tatum is like as a father to their young daughter Everly. Of course, without even having to ask her, I’d …

Quentin Tarantino's Top 10 Movies of 2013 includes The Lone Ranger

I don’t know if you’re aware of this, but Quentin Tarantino, in addition to being a famous and acclaimed film director… well, he’s also a bit of an oddball. He recently unveiled his list of his 10 favorite films of 2013 so far, and it’s the kind of list that would make you wonder if he’s screwing …

HBO's Fall Documentary Season Kicks Off Tonight with "Valentine Road"

Summer is over and Fall has begun, and as I mournfully put my short shorts back in the closet, there are still reasons to celebrate, such as the beginning of HBO’s Fall Documentary Series. Beginning tonight, HBO will debut new doc specials every Monday from now until December 9th. I love …

See Vince do Comedy Stuff + The Morning Links

This is an advertisement for both a comedy show and a Ft. Lauderdale car dealership. Come out and support our Editor in Chief, buy a Hyundai, etc.<p><b>NOMINATE for Comments of the Week.</b> <b>FOLLOW Vince on Twitter.</b> <b>FAN US on Facebook.</b> <b>SUBSCRIBE to the Frotcast.</b><p><b>The Morning Links</b><p>Tarantino’s Top 10 of 2013 …

The Trailer For ‘Avalanche Sharks’ Is The Best Thing You’ll Watch This Week

The news and details surrounding this new trailer for a movie called <i>Avalanche Sharks</i> are a little confusing. According to IMDB, this movie was supposed to be released back in June as a sequel to something called <i>Sand Sharks</i>, and other sources reported back in May that it was supposed to be called</i> …

Sony’s fake telekinesis prank promoting Carrie

Sony recently staged a stunt at a coffee shop in New York (‘Snice Cafe near NYU) where they had an actor pretend to spill coffee on a girl, who then choke-hoists him up a wall using “telekinesis” (harnesses behind the wall). Get it? Because that’s the plot of their upcoming <i>Carrie</i> remake, …

TRAILER: Alex Gibney’s ‘The Armstrong Lie,’ about Lance Armstrong

I’ve never been convinced that Lance Armstrong is this evil villain, which has become far and away the dominant media narrative in the last few years. He just seems like he was the best at a sport that you have to dope in order to win. Honestly, aren’t there more important things people are lying …

Happy Anniversary: Demolition Man is 20 Years Old Today

Released on October 8th, 1993, <i>Demolition Man</i> turns 20 years old today. While it’s perhaps not what you’d call a “great film,” it’s one of those movies that I’ve found myself watching every time it comes on TV, full of endlessly quotable minutiae and anachronistic cultural touchstones. I can’t tell …

Oliver Stone says Breaking Bad finale ‘would be laughed off the screen’

Apparently Oliver Stone didn’t get the memo that offering your opinion on the <i>Breaking Bad</i> finale is so two weeks ago (and Billy Zane already did it best), and that this week is all about fact-checking <i>Gravity</i>. Because at a press event for the Blu-Ray release of his Showtime documentary series, old …

Danny Trejo almost shanked a guy on the set of ‘Con Air’

The first 15 or 20 minutes of <i>Machete</i> was enough for me, and I have pretty much zero interest in the sequel. That said, I’m glad it exists, because it means a Danny Trejo press tour. I’ll gladly sit through a hundred <i>Machete</i> trailers if it means getting stuff like Grantland’s new profile of Danny …

A Drunk Australian Woman Watched ‘Braveheart’ And Attacked Her Neighbors With A Sword

While it’s not exactly as light-hearted as some topless prostitutes reenacting scenes, a woman on Chevron Island in Australia took Braveheart impressions to a whole new level back in May when she reportedly chased her neighbors around with a sword. Except, this wasn’t just a story of “Haha, it’s …

Peter Dinklage to star in a raunchy, Bad Santa-esque comedy about a guy who thinks he’s a leprechaun

If Peter Dinklage asks you to smell his thumb, don’t, it’s a trick.<p>Peter Dinklage became famous for starring in a show about sister-f*cking, eunuchs, castration, gay sex and crossbow murder, so I think I speak for everyone when I say enough with the Family Channel crap, shorty, we’re all adults …

Porn Star Rocco Siffredi is getting a family TV show in Italy

Porn star Rocco Siffredi, known up until now mainly for providing aggressive anal in films such as <i>Buttman and Rocco’s Brazilian Butt Fest</i> and <i>Dippy Longcocking</i> is set to provide love advice to middle-aged couples in a family show called “It’s Up to Rocco,” on primetime TV in Italy. Oh Italy. They’re …

Vanilla Ice Still Really Wants To Be In Michael Bay’s ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’

Vanilla Ice is currently promoting his new show on the DIY Network, <i>Vanilla Ice Goes Amish</i>, in which he teams up with “Amish people” to build houses because TV has officially run out of good ideas. Look, I love <i>The Vanilla Ice Project</i> as much as the next guy, but whoever is scrambling to record this …

A ‘Facial Features Expert’ Says Jax Teller Is All Wrong For ‘Fifty Shades Of Grey’

If you thought that the people complaining about Ben Affleck as older, wiser Batman would be the craziest fanboys of 2013, you have entirely underestimated the power of the <i>Fifty Shades of Grey</i> faithful. The Anastasiacs, as I like to call them in formal settings, have been shaking their …

Kevin Smith Mortgages House To Make “Walrus Man: based on the Podcast HURR, by DURR.”

<i>VINCE’S NOTE: The views expressed by the commenter known to me only as Chareth Cutestory in no way reflect the reviews of FilmDrunk, except that I find his irrational Kevin Smith hatred endlessly entertaining.</i><p>Because he’s a heartless jerk whose capacity for empathy has been eradicated by years of …

The Five Best Films of 2013 (You Haven’t Seen)

For those of you unfamiliar with my work on the Frotcast, I am a list-maker. I make the lists that make the whole world sing. However, I’m usually also seeing many films a week, at far-flung destinations such as Toronto, so I thought it might be nice to combine my powers as a big-time fancy film …

Live Blogging the New ‘American Hustle’ Trailer

If you know me at all, you know I avoid trailers like the plague. It’s massively pretentious and fully douchey, but trailers create expectations, and I like to see everything clean. The fact that I then write about everything I’ve see, setting up unfair expectations for others, well that’s all part …

Here’s The Teaser Trailer For The ‘Hercules’ Movie Not Starring The Rock

In the great, time-honored Hollywood tradition of woefully lacking creativity, there will be two <i>Hercules</i> movies released in 2014, and unfortunately neither of them will be about the legendary WWF wrestler. Instead, like <i>Volcano</i>/<i>Dante’s Peak</i> and <i>White House Down</i>/<i>Olympus Has Fallen</i> before them, these</i> …

You Can Bid On A Chance To Perform On Stage With The Cast Of ‘Anchorman’

For the unfamiliar, the website omaze offers people the chance to donate money in order to win some really cool experiences to benefit some pretty great charities and organizations. For example, you can currently chip in just $10 to enter your name for the opportunity to hang out with the cast of</i> …

Florida Friday: A Viral Missing Girl Post On Facebook Is Actually A Movie Promo

Since Wednesday, more than 400 people have shared the photo and story of 16-year old DeLand, Florida resident Jessica Chapman on Facebook, as she reportedly went missing this week in the woods on Hontoon Island. In fact, here’s the full message that was posted with the above missing girl …