9 Ways Clever People Handle Toxic People

Each and every one of us have to deal with toxic people at some point. But it’s how you handle them that makes all the difference.

It could be your friend, your co-worker, or your partner. The liar, the manipulator, the narcissist…the ones who seem blissfully unaware of the damage they do, and the other ones who derive satisfaction from creating drama and pushing people’s buttons. Whoever it is, they create unnecessary complications, discord, and stress.

Toxic individuals use a ‘divide and conquer’ tactic- they try to make themselves look as good as possible, while throwing someone else under the bus. These actions usually stem from insecurity, and makes them feel they need to drag others down to where they permanently reside.

If you wan’t to know how to handle toxic people in a smart and healthy way, the 9 tips below are for you.

1. Don’t share your secrets with, or trust a gossiper.

Sure, this sounds like something Captain Obvious would say, but it’s one of the most overlooked things we do. We want to trust people. We want to believe that someone is genuinely interested in our well-being. So, when a toxic person asks ‘what happened’ or ‘what’s going on with so-and-so,’ bite your tongue and save yourself. They don’t really care about you, or like you- they simply want to get the dirt so they can increase their social status by sharing what you told them. It all leads to judgment and gossip and drama.

2. Set limits and boundaries.

Oftentimes, toxic people will go and go and continue to go, until someone either leaves, or redirects the flow of conversation. It’s important to set limits and boundaries with these types of people. When their focus is on themselves, their misery, or their over-the-top accomplishments, you need to find a way to shut it down or it will go on forever. A helpful tool is to ask the complainer, “How would you fix the situation?” It gives them a chance to redirect the conversation themselves.

If you weren’t a smoker, would you allow yourself to sit next to one for an endless period of time, inhaling their second-hand smoke? No. You probably wouldn’t.

3. Spend time with those you really trust.

Like the old saying goes, “birds of a feather flock together.” Surround yourself with genuine, trustworthy friends who want you to succeed as much as you want yourself to succeed. These people usually don’t waste time or energy on toxic individuals, and neither should you.

4. Don’t take things personally.

This is so important. Toxic people lash out, manipulate and lie to get what they want without any regard to who they affect. Remember that it has nothing to do with you or your character, and everything to do with them and their insecurities.

5. Hold others accountable.

I understand that this is difficult for some people, and it can ultimately be the cause a relationship with a toxic person ends. You’ll notice a pattern of defeat with these individuals, yet nothing is ever their fault. They received poor grades in school because their teacher didn’t like them. They were fired from their job because, their wife left them because, they feel ill because- it’s always due to someone else. Avoid their self-pity and refuse to justify their apathy.

6. Don’t give up on getting a straight answer.

What are toxic people supremely gifted at? Talking in circles, of course. If you want a straight answer, you’re going to have to work for it. But then they will realize they can’t get away with the arbitrary responses they give everyone else.

Avoid the mind games and make your intentions clear when asking a question. Usually, making the response options only “yes” or “no” helps a great deal.

7. Ignore narcissists.

Ah, but how? Deflect, deflect, deflect. They show you a picture of themselves (one of thousands) and await your reply? Completely ignore the fact they have displayed a barrage of selfies, and respond with something else, like “That reminds me- what are you having for lunch today?” or “I’ve just remembered something- I’ll be right back.” Literally, anything else is a better response than pandering to their narcissistic behaviour.

8. Stay in control of your own emotions.

Sure, toxic people will try to manipulate you. They will use gaslighting (crazy-making), false kindness, and complimentary insults to knock you off of your game- don’t let them. Own your own emotions and know exactly where you stand. They can’t make you waver if you are on solid ground.

9. Forgive, but do not forget.

Forgiveness gets confused with acceptance, or justification. It is neither of those things. Forgiving those who are toxic, and the crappy things they have done, is more for your benefit than theirs. Holding on to that resentment, disgust and annoyance is harmful to your health, and it can end up turning you into the very thing you are trying to avoid.

Remember that yes, these people have wronged you, but don’t let that warp your judgment of others. Intelligent people know that they have to protect themselves from toxic people, and this is just one way of doing that.

Being around toxic people surrounds your world with negativity- it can suffocate you. Learn to distance yourself from the unpleasant effects, and recognize how you feel when you are away from them. Better, right?

Written by Raven Fon

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