Humor U.S. Renewables Top Coal For First Timetheonion.com - The Onion In a milestone for the nation’s energy sector, U.S. renewables topped coal for the first time ever in April, suggesting a pattern of green energy …
Humor Exhausted Amazon Customer Forced To Piss In Bottle While Browsing Prime Day Dealstheonion.com - The Onion NEW YORK—Frantically searching through the latest lightning deals and price slashes while sitting in his darkened room, Amazon customer Franklin …
FlipboardIcon version of the Flipboard logoCervical Cancer HPV Vaccine Benefits May Lead To Cervical Cancer Eliminationtheonion.com - The Onion A new study found the HPV vaccine has outperformed the expectations of doctors due to its ability to prevent the HPV-related illnesses, even in those …
AuthoritarianismMan’s Existential Terror About Country’s Slide Towards Authoritarianism Sublimated Into Campaign To Get Journalist Firedtheonion.com - The Onion DENVER—In an unconscious effort to channel his panic into a more conducive outlet, local man Erik Johnson had reportedly sublimated his existential …
Humor At The Peak Of My Fame, I Could Have Slept With Any Werewolf, Mummy, Or Ghoul I Wantedtheonion.com - By R.L. Stine When you strike it big as a children’s author, your life changes dramatically. The money starts pouring in, and then there are the awards, the fans, …
Humor Lucky Bar Mitzvah Boy Gets To Be Picture For ‘Bar Mitzvah’ Wikipedia Pagetheonion.com - The Onion
Alexa Family Creeped Out By Alexa Playing Back Conversations They Haven’t Even Had Yettheonion.com - The Onion
Humor Gynecologist Inserting IUD Promises Woman It Will Be Just A Quick Pinch And Then She’ll Be On The Floor Unconscioustheonion.com - The Onion ST. LOUIS, MO—Assuring her that the simple procedure would be over before she knew it, area gynecologist Dr. Therese Geiss promised patient Dana …
Humor Man’s Crippling, Overpowering Need To Be Liked By Everyone Apparently Not Affecting His Behaviortheonion.com - The Onion CHICAGO—Despite never once using his supposed people-pleasing nature to help another person, support anyone, or validate someone’s feelings, Chicago …
Humor Area Man Always Thought He’d Squander His Life Differentlytheonion.com - The Onion LAWRENCE, KS—Admitting that he never pictured frittering away his time on Earth in quite this fashion, part-time retail employee Michael Storrs, 34, …
Humor Brother, Sister Have Pretty Good Chemistrytheonion.com - The Onion CHICAGO—Noting that the siblings have “an adorable back-and-forth,” sources confirmed Monday that 22-year-old Dan Callan and his 19-year-old sister …
Humor Entitled Burger King Employee Wants $15 An Hour Just For Dealing With Worst Of America Every Daytheonion.com - The Onion TOLEDO, OH—Appalled by the level of deluded selfishness of millennials in the labor force, citizens expressed shock and disbelief Wednesday at the …
Italy Italy To Host 2026 Winter Olympicstheonion.com - The Onion Italy will host the 2026 Winter Olympic Games in Milan-Cortina, the International Olympic Committee (IOC) announced last week, beating out Stockholm …
FlipboardIcon version of the Flipboard logoHumor Supreme Court Rejects Adding Census Citizenship Questiontheonion.com - The Onion In a blow to the Trump administration, the Supreme Court ruled that there was no reasonable rationale put forth for adding a citizenship question to …
Humor Extremely Effective Therapist Just Lets Patients Beat Shit Out Of Him For 45 Minutestheonion.com - The Onion SAN FRANCISCO—Acknowledging that some of his clients have to overcome some initial hesitation, cognitive therapist Dr. Daniel Boyer spoke Monday …
FlipboardIcon version of the Flipboard logoRobert Mueller Mueller To Testify Before Congresstheonion.com - The Onion After being subpoenaed by the House of Representatives, Special Counsel Robert Mueller agreed to testify before Congress about his investigation into …
FlipboardIcon version of the Flipboard logoMarijuana Illinois Legalizes Marijuanatheonion.com - The Onion Becoming the 11th state to allow the substance for recreational use, Governor J.B. Pritzker signed bill legalizing marijuana in Illinois starting on …
FlipboardIcon version of the Flipboard logoStephanie Grisham Trump Picks Stephanie Grisham As New Press Secretarytheonion.com - The Onion First lady Melania Trump’s communications director Stephanie Grisham will be the new White House press secretary, replacing Sarah Huckabee Sanders as …
Humor Driver Kind Of Bummed To See Other Car He Been Driving Behind For A While Take Exit Off Highwaytheonion.com - The Onion EDISON, NJ—Gazing wistfully at the maroon 2004 Nissan Altima sedan as it put on its right blinker and merged toward an oncoming off-ramp, motorist …
FlipboardIcon version of the Flipboard logoHumor Americans Tune Into First Democratic Debatestheonion.com - The Onion Americans will tune into NBC tonight to watch the first of two nights of Democratic presidential debates as the expansive field of candidates vie for …
FlipboardIcon version of the Flipboard logoHumor Pence Declines To Say Whether Climate Change A Threattheonion.com - The Onion In an interview with Jake Tapper, Vice President Mike Pence repeatedly refused to say whether he believed climate change was a man-made threat to …
Humor Man Ruthlessly Scolds Other Man Online For Having Opinion He Held Less Than 2 Years Agotheonion.com - The Onion BOSTON—Referring to his fellow anonymous Reddit commenter as “a total stooge,” 25-year-old Brian Gallagher ruthlessly scolded another man online …
