“How is your little mommy conference?”

The question was asked by a balding, middle aged man in a dark suit as we passed in the long breezeway that connects the Ritz Carlton Orlando to the JW Marriott next door. The Ritz is where I was attending the Mom2.0 Summit last week, and the Marriott was where he was very clearly attending the Pharmaceutical Corporate Counsel conference that was taking place during the same three days.

“Excuse me?” I asked. I hung back from the group of friends with whom I’d just had dinner at the Marriott, a group of women humor writers that stays connected multiple times a day, 365 days a year, via text. We talk about work, we share editor’s email addresses and pitch preferences, we rail against our collective rejections, and cheer each other’s successes. Mom2.0 is the one time each year we see each other in person and every minute of those three days is precious. This lawyer was taking up my valuable time, although my friend K.J. had hung back with me.

“The mommies, right? Next door? All those little mommy bloggers over there? How’s that conference?” the lawyer asked, condescension weighting every word.

Of course, to a corporate counsel in passing, we probably looked pretty insubstantial, in that we looked awesome. The exhibitors at Mom 2.0 know what brings the ladies into their suites: free hair and makeup. We all had essentially the same Dove Beach Waves hairstyle by 4 pm every day, thanks to the long row of hair stylists waiting to fix you up between sessions, and by the time the Prudential Insurance makeup lady had her way with me I didn’t look a day over 50 and a half.

My new band, Bizness and Beach Waves

So I could see why the guy would be condescending.

I thought for a minute of that first day’s programming. I’d listened to actress/producer/mommy Julianna Margulies recount a time that she and five other established, experienced Hollywood professionals, all of whom happened to be women, took a project to a major network. They met with an executive who said, “All women?….Um…We have a lactation room down the hall!”

I’d listened to Major Mary Jennings Hegar, a mommy who was awarded a Purple Heart in 2009 after being shot down by the Taliban in Afghanistan, and later became a plaintiff in the ACLU suit against the Defense Department that said excluding women from combat was unconstitutional. As she told the Mom2.0 attendees, women on the ground in the Middle East were already serving those roles; they just weren’t getting credit for it until the ACLU won its suit. Her book, Shoot Like A Girl, has been optioned by Angelina Jolie, and Angelina is playing her in the movie, which sounds like the punchline to every self-deprecating “Who would play me in a movie?” icebreaker I’ve ever heard. (I’d also held MJ’s four month old son at a reception that evening while she took a break, and to my everlasting credit I managed to give that precious baby back to her.)

I’d struggled that afternoon to choose between a session on SEO and analytics, or one on Bots, Artificial Intelligence, and Messaging as channels for reader engagement, but ended up in the Podcast Session where the same women who gave me the tools and encouragement during Mom2.0 2016 to start my own podcast were doing so for a new group of wannabe podcasters.

And I’d caught up with a couple of bloggers I know and admire whose little mommy blogs were supporting their entire families and in some cases, a staff. I was already looking forward to the next day’s panel with the founders of Baby Einstein, Scary Mommy, and Sprout Pharmaceuticals, all of whom are powerhouse mommies giving advice on how to start, grow, and sell companies.

I was also excited to be a Mom2.0 speaker for the first time this year, presenting on a panel called “Writers Gonna Write: Connecting With Narrative in the Post-narrative Blog Age” along with my dear friends Laurie White aka Laurie Media and Lisa Rosenberg aka Smacksy. We’d worked hard to make sure attendees would leave with practical tools and some homework to help them figure out the best way to present their unique stories across platforms and channels.

Honestly, this guy couldn’t afford the billable rate I’d charge to stand there and explain all this. Still, I wanted set him straight, so I answered his question.

“Well, if you mean the conference at the Ritz, where women content creators are connecting with brands and one other to come up with creative ways to monetize their work and grow their businesses, it’s going really well.”

I added, “You should totally stop over! You could come get a blowout at the Dove Salon. Or, oh, sorry.” I had just realized he was bald.

Or had I maybe realized he was bald when he asked his first question, and immediately started maneuvering the conversation into Dove Blowout territory? I can’t remember now. You know we mommy bloggers are as dull as toddler cutlery.

The pharma corporate counsel didn’t press the issue. I doubt that listening to women was one of his core competencies anyway. “Have fun!” he said, as he turned to catch up with his lawyer brethren.

Unfortunately, it was only then that I heard how K.J. – a former attorney herself and, um, I guess a little mommy blogger, albeit one whose blog platform happens to be her New York Times column – had been quietly answering his first question, the whole time I was talking.

“Better than yours, dude. Better than yours.”

There was a rumor that a group of Mom2.0 attendees staged a remake of the Friends’ opening credits around the fountain at the Ritz late one night, while a group of stupefied pharma corporate counsel looked on. I wouldn’t know. Or I should say, I do not appear in front of the camera at any point during that video. (But for the right price I’ll let you see the outtakes.)

3 Nights at The Ritz Carlton: My Mother's Day Gift to Myself - Wine in Mom