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Board Games For Adjunct Professors

Settlers of CatanOn an island with scarce resources, you are quickly isolated in a barren desert (the academic job market). A robber steals your …

Pizza Hut

How to Look Like You’re Trying to End Sexual Harassment

As the leader of a large complex organization — like the Catholic Church, Fox News, the State of New York, or the United Nations — the pressure on …

Sexual Harassment

Our Yom Kippur Service Will Be the Most Awesome Nine Hours of Your Year!

As President of our beloved Congregation, I wish everyone a happy and healthy new year! Now I know many of you have a difficult time getting your …

Humor

List: All White Male Panel Topics

What I Think You Meant To SayI Don’t Have Experience Here, But My Take IsI Realize We’re Out of Time, But If I Could JustAs I Wrote In My Free …

Humor

Welcome to My Viral Tweet

If you’re reading this, it’s because I wrote something funny on Twitter and it really took off. If you like what you see, toss me a favorite. If you …

Health Care

A Day in the Life of a Female Incel

<b>9:02 AM</b><br>Dear Log: Though I am involuntarily attracted to the male gender, I am unable to have sex with any of them. Is this a blessing? A curse? I am …

David Foster

List: William Carlos Williams Poems for Introverts

“The Red Wheelbarrow”so much depends<br>upona red wheel<br>barrowespecially when<br>someonestares at it instead<br>of you- - -“This Is Just to Say”I have eaten<br>the …

Humor

We Are 65 Witches Who Have Known Dorothy For Years and Were Never Killed By Her House

<i>“Sixty-five women who knew Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh in high school have testified to his good character in a letter to the Senate</i> …

Humor

Your Quest: Bring a Bag of Ice to This Party

<i>Congratulations! You’ve been chosen by the host, your last unmarried friend, to bring a bag of ice to this party. Do you accept this quest?</i><p><b>A.</b> You …

Humor

List: Men In Tech to Work With and/or Go On Tinder Dates With Before You, a Woman In Tech, Get Fed Up With This Industry and Leave San Francisco Forever

Matt, 26<p>Tall, skinny. Thinks he’s just “lanky.” Likes climbing (indoor), climbing (outdoor), and his dog. When you meet him, he introduces himself as …

Humor

Puerto Rico is Just a Theory

<i>“3000 people did not die in the two hurricanes that hit Puerto Rico. When I left the Island, AFTER the storm had hit, they had anywhere from 6 to 18</i> …

Puerto Rico

Welcome to Zilloe, Which is the Same as Zillow But Only Includes Houses You Can’t Afford in Places You’ll Never Live

899 Aurora Rd.<br>Boulder, CO 80302<br>5 beds/4 baths<br>$2,850,000Majestic VIEWS of the Flatirons right out your back door, with easy access to downtown at your …

San Francisco

List: The 13 People You Meet in Refinery29’s “Money Diaries” Comments Section

The Defender“Hi OP! Just want to chime in because of all the haters out there! You do you, honey. Having five glasses of wine at the end of a busy …

Santa Fe

My Nanny Shouldn’t Have to Choose Between Her Family and Her Job Raising My Family

When you’re a working mother, you’re asked to make the hardest choice a woman could ever make every single day. Do I put my career over my family or …

Parenting

List: Myths About Your Thirties — Debunked

<b>MYTH:</b> You’ll have a workout routine.<b>REALITY:</b> You’ll wake up each morning from unsettling dreams and nothing will calm you until you check Twitter and …

Acne

So You Want to Be a Boutique Hotel Copywriter?

<i>Hello, I-Thought-I-Was-Going-to-be-a-Journalist,</i>It was such a pleasure meeting you last week. We are interested in moving forward with the screening …

Fight Club

Monologue: I, Lucius Malfoy, Have Regularly Considered Leaving the Death Eaters

<i>“Republican Sen. Ben Sasse said Sunday that he thinks about leaving the GOP ‘every morning.’” — CNN Politics, 9/9/18</i>- - -Every morning, when I wake …

Ben Sasse

Welcoming Remarks Made at a Literary Reading, 9/25/01

<i>Every year, we wonder what might be appropriate on this day, and we can never think of anything more appropriate than this piece, which Mr. Hodgman</i> …

Introducing a New Life-Changing Drug For Men But Mostly Women

<b>Do you suffer from mansplaining, manspreading, manterrupting, or other man-related portmanteaus?</b>Since the beginning of time, men have been socialized …

List: Haiku Interrupted By Drones

<b>1.</b><br>Green grass on the hill<br>A shadow looms overhead<br>It’s a DJI Phantom 3 Standard 2.4 GHz Quadcopter Drone with onboard HD Video Camera<b>2.</b><br>The November …

Drones

Sorry, But Once Again We’ve Scheduled a Meeting On Your Jewish Holiday

Dearest Jewish Employees,Due to a slew of recent complaints about the upcoming company meeting schedule, this message serves to inform you that the …

Humor

List: Things I’ve Womansplained to Men

ConditionerInstagram StoriesPilatesPeriods (punctuation)Almond milkNora EphronBirth controlRespectRoseMattress pads<i>The Real Housewives of New York</i> …

Kourtney Kardashian

I, Too, Grew Up in the Crime-Ridden Streets of Bethesda, Maryland

<i>“I’m a native of this area. I’m a native of an urban-suburban area. I grew up in a city plagued by gun violence and gang violence and drug violence.”</i> …

United States

Why Are Men Getting So Hysterical About The Penis Legislation Act?

We get it. Men are overly emotional. Just look at Alex Jones and Donald Trump. Ok, don’t. But the point stands. Your reaction to a perceived threat …

Alex Jones

I’ve Got that MPE (Meal Prep Energy)

You’ve seen me walking around with a new sense of swagger, talking with a newfound smugness. If you think that I feel that I’m superior to everyone …

Eggs

Monologue: I Am Brett Kavanaugh, and I Believe the 2017 Academy Award for Best Picture May Have Been Wrongly Decided

<i>“Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh suggested several years ago that the unanimous high court ruling in 1974 that forced President Richard Nixon</i> …

La La Land

Animals Got Problems: Quiet Lives of Desperation

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Internet

I Am Part of the Resistance Inside Nyarlathotep’s Death Cult

Nyarlathotep is now facing one of the greatest threats in Its presidency so far. I should know, I clock in to kneel at Its feet upon the Altar of …

Water

List: Even More Alternatives to Resting Bitch Face

<i>Read the original and the first sequel</i>.- - -You Appear To Have a Shockingly Inflated Sense Of Your Own Importance FaceYour Insincerity Is Astonishing …

Gouge