Eninety6

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15 Most Common Misspellings

Families Of Missing Flight Passengers Just Hoping Media Gets Closure It Needs

KUALA LUMPUR, MALAYSIA—Saying they have endured heart-wrenching uncertainty and deserved definitive answers, the families of passengers aboard …

Airplanes

Neighborhood Has Gotten A Lot Safer Since Mayor Vanquished Fire Troll

LOUISVILLE, KY—Saying they finally felt comfortable walking around their neighborhood again, citizens of Louisville’s Parkwood district hailed Mayor …

Piercings

English Professor Suddenly Realizes Students Will Believe Literally Anything She Says

Education

God Admits He Never Created Gerbils

THE HEAVENS—Lord God, He Who Commanded Light to Shine out of Darkness told reporters this Wednesday that despite creating all other forms of life in …

How To Cook A Perfect Thanksgiving Turkey

article<p>https://www.theonion.com/how-to-cook-a-perfect-thanksgiving-turkey-1819594500<p>America’s Finest News Source<p>en_US<p>The Onion

Cooking

Gap Forced To Recall Pants After Man Dies Eating 37 Pairs Of Corduroys

SAN FRANCISCO—After reports surfaced Thursday that a local Gap customer became ill after consuming 37 pairs of five-pocket straight-fit corduroy …

Clothing

Washington Redskins Change Their Name To The D.C. Redskins

WASHINGTON—Following an outpouring of criticism from across the country, the Washington Redskins announced Wednesday that they are officially …

Football (U.S.)

Nation’s Math Teachers Introduce 27 New Trig Functions

Tony Romo Notices Star On Cowboys Helmet For First Time

DALLAS—Entering his 11th season with the franchise, Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo reportedly noticed the star on the Cowboys helmet for the first …

NFL

Washington’s Hobby Lobby Lobbies To Strengthen Hobbies

<i>‘We’ll Lobby For Hobbies All The Way To Abu Dhabi,’ Says Lobby Rep Robbie Stobby</i><p>WASHINGTON—In an appeal for the strengthening of the world’s greatest …

Hobby Lobby