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Things life left us.. Dear Zambian woman.. You have been taught.. You have seen.. You have believed.. Pardon me.. I want to undo the norms.. Show you a side that's let you down.. See that man.. Who you will proudly stick by.. Even when he embarrasses you.. And Eats all your optimism away isn't worth it.. That marriage you soo desperately seek.. Just soo that Mrs respect is earned.. Isn't worth it That man who you keep while he lies oh his behind all day.. Will still expect you to be man n wife and mother.. Those children you say you stay for.. Are resilient.. Yes they will crave more but they'll hate you even more for staying when you can go.. That business you want to start.. Can flourish.. Can be a defining moment for you too.. That man who doesn't cherish or see you as an equal.. Doesn't deserve your lopsided need to shrink just so he can shine.. That man using fists to put across something and hurling insults at you doesn't need you to save him.. Quite frankly you can not mould a man or change a man.. He has to want it and before he does he has to know he has a problem and all that does not begin with you wishfully thinking he will change one day.. The World can handle a successful woman.. It can handle brilliance in a female and it can handle a man n wife shining hand in hand.. It may seem like being the mommy at the moment or just the wife or just the sister/daughter at home is draining but in it's right time..patience Do not let society define you.. If yours is to nurture and not in that board room I'm sure you can still flourish in your own way our mothers and grand mothers did.. Do not hate the woman he uses to destroy your esteem .. Learn that his mistakes do not define you.. Have sympathy for the woman who calls you out your name for a man ..she does not know better.. A man chooses where he lays.. It's your business to choose respect or second best.. Build each other up.. We are all fighting a certain battle.. But if we remember that we are sisters first our kindness might change a soul.. If not it might aswel keep our conscience free.. It's ok to fail.. To be inadequate.. It's not ok to not want to get up again.. It's not ok to race with people you're not in the same playing field with.. Above all show gratitude.. To the man upstairs.. To a good man should you find one.. To a good woman who is with you in your toughest times or who helps you in any way.. Remember there will always be someone or something better don't let that phase you.. Discipline yourself and strive for better.. Reach out when it's too hard to get up on your own.. Lastly remember you're your own individual.. That life is for living.. That submission never meant stupidity.. And that it's ok to be down and have a time out to recuperate. But never ok to stay down..

All I know is.. The sky's the limit..I might not get there today but I will get there somehow, I'll keep aiming and working hard and getting up every time I fall Because I am bigger than my mistakes,greater than my down falls and definitely more than my current situation.. One thing I know is if I want something hard enough I will stress and nag and push till I get it, that alone makes me know that there is nothing beyond my reach as long as I do the necessary.. Sometimes it's hard to get where you want to be,some situations drain all the hope in you,but, you can't dig up in doubt what you built in faith.. As they say your destiny will never be denied,delayed,yes and well iron sharpens iron so you'll definitely have to go through a refining process to get to your defining moment.. So a message to me,in days when I'm you when you need a us cause sometimes life can get you down.. There my uplifting 2 cents Candy- Mwaambo

Essence of you.. Who are you? What do you represent? Would you look up to you? Would you date you? Are you proud of you? On a scale what weighs more your achievements or your regrets? You definitely can't be who you where a decade ago because as we grow we evolve,we begin to understand certain things more,we begin to see some things clearer and we also see other things differently,call it the spice of life I mean growth keeps things interesting.. We find ourselves continuously moulding who we are to suit a particular criteria we have set for ourselves or sadly to fit in with our peers Just because you say something so much doesn't automatically make it happen it takes action to get there,same applies to personality,you wanna be some one you're proud of well get up and get busy working towards being that person.. Whatever you do remember just as you came so will you go,alone.. Don't let other people define your course,you're a unique being,the very reason you have distinctions that set you apart from a crowd,is the very reason you should embrace your uniqueness.. As always my two cents.. Candy-mwaambo

Conformity My greatest fear in life was to be mediocre,average,less than,common.. See I understood pretty well the uniqueness God created me with,to be me,a part of him,a part of his universe,his beloved daughter, who he sacrificed his only begotten son for.. See I was bought with a price..even right here on this earth my parents smiled in wonder imagine then how God felt when he looked at his creation.. I maybe be a dot to this billion population but fade out into nothing or nobody I won't.. See life's a paradox sometimes, after a lot of soul searching and introspection you have a choice to live it to the fullest or glide through a facade that the world expects.. Sometimes you disappoint yourself sometimes you disappoint others but it's a journey not a straight road with sign posts but a journey with twists and turns trials and tribulations,sorrow and jubilation.. If I do not reach the stars I'm aiming for,I pray the honest sinner in me,the bubbly girl he loved, the loyal friend they knew,the handful daughter they cherished would have lived her life to the fullest..because at the very end of it all it's the what ifs that deprive us.. There my special two cents..

Sometimes you have to experience something to be able to understand.. The African wife.. For the longest time i despised my moms teaching especially of chores around the house because I figured she was being in humane and unreasonably harsh,today I could kiss her feet and sprinkle perfume in thankfulness for that treatment.. We all dream of beds of roses,but you're the wife now,you do mommys job,you baby the full grown man called your husband,you groom your home,you create and clean in the kitchen and still perform wonders in bed.. It seems simple really from a distance very doable even, except your life changes,you have to come last.. I'm still trying to find a balance but if I learnt anything from the western wife (through tv ofcourse) it's that the western husband is versatile and he doesn't find helping emasculating.. I can't point fingers though it's how our society perceives it,it's how we are groomed and even when in moments where I scream obscenities in my head at the scale that has shifted the moment I changed from miss to mrs, I applaud my mother for holding it down so effortlessly. She did it so wonderfully that I even attempted to dream I could do it like her.. I still haven't experienced the hard ships of motherhood as the African wife, I know there's good days to both worlds it's just I'm feeling like de-romanticizing the newly weds to bring out how empty it feels on most days, when he still keeps his life the way it was before the ring and well you've gained a name and I tell you that comes with a lot of responsibility but well for the most part,you're in love and it's breath taking.. There goes my two cent.. Candy

Soo's funny how one moment you're so close to someone and the next there's this ridge..I try to understand how someone who knew your deepest pains and fears could use them against you,I get that it's life we all have situations where you have to put yourself first but does it have to be at the expense of somebody else?? I wonder I gather though that what's important is the lesson something brought you not the pain it caused..I mean it will hurt for a while but you'll get over it and you'll realize why certain things had to happen.. I like to think of myself as honest and blunt and if we are being honest sometimes I can't face the traitor sometimes I smile back even though in my heart I know I should probably keep a distance because well I'm too grown for the exhausting masquerades.. All I'm trying to put into words is sometimes, the people closest to us hurt us the most and we can move from that hurdle once we see what our life is after that pain.. There..My two cents..